A lot of people think I’ve got my shit together these days…
But the truth is, I still struggle with the way I feel about myself almost on a daily basis.
The problem is, I’ve spent so many years thinking I was bad, it’s hard to shift and accept that I am a good person with a lot of offer other people.
And then I find myself;
– Pushing people away that want to be my friend.
– Dismissing people who congratulate and compliment me.
– Not allowing myself to connect with people that don’t offer something tangible to my life.
I find myself thinking:
– I am actually still a bad egg, and don’t deserve: friends, connection, and to be appreciated.
– I would be such a bad friend so there is no point even trying to make them.
– I think nobody would really care about me anyway.
The result?
Yeah, I have excitement from seeing my life develop…
But also a feeling on loneliness, and a disappointing underlying desire for connection and love.
I can’t believe I can publically say things like this nowadays ??
But every breakthrough I’ve ever had has been from owning my thinking and taking responsibility for the change I want to see.
Every now and again, I’ll feel connected to someone, and the love I’ve got to offer slips through and I get a reminder that I am a good guy who has so much to offer.
Whether this is from having unsupportive friends in the past, the bad relationship I had with my Dad or the bad things I’ve done in my life, I don’t know…
But I do know it’s kind of hard to shake!
For anyone else struggling with the way you feel about yourself, don’t worry I’m the same too; and I do this kind of stuff for a living!
We are all a work in progress and NOBODY completely has their shit together – believe me.
If I’ve ever pushed you away, ignored your compliment, or seemed distant – it’s because I’m still on a journey like everyone else.
So although, I’ve managed to get my shit together in a few areas of my life – that doesn’t mean I’m finished…
I’m still learning, exploring and developing on a daily basis.
But as long as I keep talking about it, and pushing myself, I know I’ll eventually shake this old thinking away for good.
Thanks for reading.
From Lewis ~ a good guy? ?
