Are you looking for a quick fix to confidence?
If you are, I will be sharing 5 top tips you can use right now to start improving your confidence, but first, you need to know that confidence is a tricky bugger!
YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN’T FEEL CONFIDENT ALL THE TIME!
Seriously, to be nervous, feel a bit insecure, doubt yourself, worry, and lack in your own ability, is not unusual. In fact, it’s perfectly natural.
Even the most confident people crap their pants from time to time. When something is new and unfamiliar to them, like everybody else, they have to go through the growth stage of pushing themselves to become more familiar with the situation.
Another thing to take note of is…
Nobody cares! Seriously, everybody is too occupied in their own head, with their own stuff, that they take very little notice of other people.
You may feel like you’re going to be judged, ridiculed, made a fool off, when really the other people is deciding what they are having for dinner that night, or maybe that they want to sleep with you.
Maybe that’s just me!
No, actually – basic survival such a food and sex is pretty high up on the priority list…
And believe it or not, you mumbling a word or using the weight machine in the gym slightly wrong, really isn’t going to divert much attention.
Another thing, sorry to say, but you may have been looking for confidence in all the wrong places!
First of all, don’t worry – I’ve done it, it’s very easy to believe that confidence comes from external sources, and if we are not careful, we can spend time and energy looking for quick fixes, in the way of compliments, online attention, food etc..
But that really doesn’t work!
We can also cheat, and use drugs and alcohol to induce a false sense of confidence; and although this works temporarily, it doesn’t do you much good.
I can vouch for that. £20,000 rehabilitation? Ouch. Probably best you look elsewhere for your remedy!
Anyway, these ‘quick fixes’. Think of them like a sugar rush. You get your high. Then what happens? You crash.
Just like when you seek the attention and confirmation from others, or use something external to fix an internal problem.
If feels great. Then we realise, it’s simply not enough, and we are left feeling deflated.
Then what happens? You have to do it again…
Pass me another pint, pass me that doughnut, or maybe I’ll just take a sassy photo, stick a filter on and see how many likes I can get. Maybe that will keep me going until tea time.
Sound familiar? Well, I know I did this for a long time anyway.
To a certain extent, it works. Those quick fixes get you through, pick you up when you’re feeling low, and make things feel a little more bearable.
But the truth is; you don’t need all that stuff to build confidence in yourself.
And none of the stuff I mentioned above is sustainable in the long run.
The core of the solution, comes from dropping your dependency on external influences and focusing on self-assurance.
What does that mean?
Basically, giving yourself, the stuff you seek from other people and other things.
Sounds like a load of mumbo jumbo, doesn’t it?
“How can it be that easy”, I hear you shouting…
Well here are 5 top tips, you can use right now, to build a stronger relationship with yourself.
1: TELL YOURSELF YOU’RE CONFIDENT
Sometimes, all we need is to hear something for us to believe it. So, why wait and fish for it from someone else? Tell yourself!
I mean, come on; If you constantly tell yourself you have low self-confidence… Guess how you’re going to feel?
You don’t even need me to answer that, I think you know the answer.
Try flipping it.
I AM A CONFIDENT PERSON.
Say it out loud now.
I bet you feel more confident, already don’t you?!
Imagine if you kept saying that to yourself, out loud, in the mirror, every day for a period of time?
Try it. It just might work.
2. CHALLENGE YOUR CONFIDENCE
A lot of people want to be more confident, but expect things to change miraculously.
Like most things, you have to work for it (sorry, no quick fix here).
If you don’t feel confident in certain situations, such as talking to new people, speaking to a senior colleague at work, walking in a gym…
The best thing to do, is challenge it head on. Clear your head, stop anticipating the worst-case scenario, and use the 3,2,1 method.
Just start counting!
3, 2, 1
Then just go and do it!
You will be gobsmacked to realise that the world didn’t collapse between your feet, you’re still alive and guess what else?
It didn’t go as badly as you thought.
The next time you do that thing, you’ll be more confident, simple as that!
Remember what you heard is school? Practice makes perfect? Well, it does!
If you want to be confident, then practice being confident.
3. RECOGNISE YOUR QUALITIES
Confidence is a lot of the time linked to self-worth. My guess is that you aren’t confident because you don’t feel very highly of yourself.
One of the problems of this is, this mindset will also cause you to focus in on all the things you’re not so good at, haven’t achieved, or believe you’re not capable of.
You do realise that those voices in your head are talking a load of crap, don’t you?
Do you realise how much you have achieved already? Well, no, maybe you don’t.
Try and think back, write them down if you have the time and list all your:
Guess what happens what you bring this stuff to your attention?
You’ll feel more CONFIDENT.
4. WORK OUT WHAT IS MAKING YOU DOUBT YOURSELF
This may be a bit hard to get your head around, but you may already be a very confident person deep down, but have too many things blocking it from shining out to the world.
What I mean is, you may have picked up beliefs throughout your life that bring you down and stop you from feeling the way you want to feel.
Boyfriend ever tell you were fat once?
I’ve got news for you.
You’re not fat; your boyfriend is just a moron.
Boss ever have ago at you for not doing your work the right way?
Maybe they were having a bad day?
You have a choice, whether you decide to hang on to these things that may be affecting your confidence or let them go.
If they are harming you, and you’re basing the way you feel about yourself on one or two specific past experiences…
Then maybe time you did let them go. I mean, are you really going to let a few instances dictate the way you feel about yourself for the rest of your life?
5. PREDICT SUCCESS
If you feel like something is going to go royally tits up, then guess how you’re doing to feel about the situation?
Nervous, anxious, scared…
Will that make you feel confidence or unconfident?
You don’t need to answer that, as I’m sure you know the answer.
Because I can tell you, that’s the number one thing that kills confidence.
If you doubt yourself, your abilities or your capability of dealing with the situation you’re about to enter, you’re pretty much doomed.
It’s a lot like a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you feel like you’re going to fail, then you probably will.
How do you tackle this?
One thing you can do, is you can take yourself into the future. Visualise the outcome as being a massive success.
I’ve recently been doing some speaking engagements and at first, I felt like I was going to die.
What if they laugh? What if they don’t understand me? What if I faint?
I had to calm myself and take myself to the future. Visualise it all going perfectly, with a standing ovation, smiles and tears.
Then something crazy happened…
Rather than feeling nervous, I started to feel excited.
By predicting and visualising success, my confidence levels hit the roof.
- It’s not just you; nobody is confident all the time!
- People are more concerned with themselves rather than you, so don’t sweat the small stuff.
- Try to avoid looking for quick fixes; focus on yourself.
- Try not to mask the problem with drink and drugs.
- Tell yourself that you’re confident.
- Challenge yourself to become more confident.
- Recognise your qualities.
- Work out what is making you doubt yourself.
- And predict success for yourself.
We all have the ability to super confident, but unfortunately, it’s all too easy to expect something to change, or use quick fixes to temporarily fill that void.
Do yourself a favour and give some of these things ago.
They might just change your life.
P.S, for what it’s worth, from my experience, my guess about you?
You are 100 times more confident than you give yourself credit for anyway.
Allow the confident you to burst from within, break the mould and make things happen!
P.P.S, if you’d like a copy of my book, ‘Brainwashed: How To Sort Your Head Out & Make Things Happen’ – you can download it for free now:
Lewis ~ someones who’s been there.