Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: most of what you think about confidence is complete and utter nonsense. Confidence isn’t some magical aura that some people are born with and others just have to live without. It’s not a trait. It’s not a gift. It’s a skill—and like any skill, it’s something you build, piece by piece, action by action, until it becomes as natural as breathing.
But here’s the thing: the way most people go about building confidence is dead wrong. They chase validation, approval, and external success like some kind of drug, thinking that one more hit will make them finally feel “enough.” Newsflash: that’s never going to work. Real confidence comes from stretching your mind, stepping into discomfort, and doing the damn thing over and over again until you stop giving a sh*t whether you “feel” confident or not.
So if you’re ready to break free from the lies and actually become confident—like, for real—watch the [YouTube video here] for a full breakdown. But if you’re ready for the hard-hitting truth, let’s dig into the unconventional way to stretch your mind and build unshakable confidence.
Stop Waiting for Permission: The Confidence Lie
Here’s the ugly truth: You’re holding yourself back because you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to be confident. You’re waiting for the world to tell you, “Okay, you’ve earned it. You can feel good about yourself now.” But that’s not how it works. Confidence isn’t granted to you by the universe, your boss, or the people around you. It’s something you take.
Think about it: Have you ever seen someone who’s wildly confident but doesn’t have the skills, the experience, or even the looks to back it up? You’ve probably met plenty of them. And the thing is, those people aren’t “faking it till they make it.” They’re not waiting around for permission. They’ve decided they’re worthy of being confident, and that’s the whole game.
Step 1: Embrace Discomfort (Yes, Get Used to Being Uncomfortable)
You want to know why you don’t feel confident? It’s because you’ve built your life around comfort. You avoid anything that makes you feel out of your depth. You stay in your little bubble of certainty and control, and you wonder why you still feel like a fraud. Here’s the deal: confidence lives on the other side of discomfort. You need to stretch your mind and throw yourself into situations where you feel out of your element, awkward, and maybe even a little humiliated.
The real stretch happens when you start leaning into that discomfort and making it your new normal. Do things that scare the hell out of you every single day. Talk to that person you’ve been avoiding. Take that leap you’ve been putting off. Your confidence muscle grows every time you push yourself past your current limits.
Here’s how you can start:
- Daily Discomfort Challenge: Every day, do something small that makes you uncomfortable. It could be starting a conversation with a stranger, posting that opinionated tweet, or speaking up in a meeting. Doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it makes your palms sweat a little.
- Take Risks in Public: It’s easy to be confident behind a screen, but if you really want to stretch your confidence, you need to take risks where people can see you. Fail publicly. Look stupid. Spoiler alert: nobody cares as much as you think they do.
- Fail On Purpose: This might sound crazy, but deliberately failing at something can stretch your confidence like nothing else. Approach a stranger and ask for something ridiculous. Pitch an idea that’s out there. The point is to show yourself that failing doesn’t kill you, and once you lose the fear of failure, confidence comes naturally.
Step 2: Ditch Perfectionism and Get Real
You know what’s holding you back from being confident? Perfectionism. The idea that you need to have everything figured out before you can feel good about yourself. You’re waiting to be the “perfect” version of yourself before you show up confidently, but here’s the raw truth: perfection doesn’t exist, and waiting for it is killing your confidence.
Real confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from showing up as you are, flaws and all, and owning it. Stop hiding behind the excuse that you’re “not ready” or “not good enough.” That’s your perfectionism talking, and it’s lying to you. Confidence comes from being okay with not being perfect—and knowing that you can handle whatever happens, no matter what.
Step 3: Stretch Your Perspective
Now, let’s talk about stretching your mind. Most people are stuck in a narrow mental framework that limits their confidence. They’ve built this tiny box of “who they are,” and they never step outside of it. They never challenge their own beliefs about what’s possible for them, so they stay small, safe, and scared.
To build confidence, you need to challenge your own perspective. Stretch it. Ask yourself why you believe the things you believe about yourself. Where did those stories come from? Are they even true?
- Stretch Your Self-Image: You’ve been walking around with a limited, outdated view of yourself, and it’s time to update that story. What if you’re more capable than you’ve ever allowed yourself to believe? What if you’re stronger, smarter, and more resilient than the self-doubt in your head is telling you? Stretch your mind to consider that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been wrong about yourself.
- Stretch Your Possibilities: You’re playing small because you’ve convinced yourself that certain things are off-limits for you. You tell yourself, “That’s just not me,” or “I’m not that kind of person.” Guess what? That’s all bullsh*t. You can be whoever you decide to be, but first, you need to expand what’s possible in your mind.
Step 4: Act Confident, Even When You Don’t Feel It
Here’s a trick that’s almost too simple: act like you’re confident, even when you don’t feel it. No, this isn’t “fake it till you make it”—this is understanding that confidence is an action, not a feeling. You don’t need to feel confident to act confident. The action itself creates the feeling.
Start walking like you own the room. Speak up like your opinion matters (because it does). Stop hesitating, stop second-guessing, and just move forward. Confidence isn’t something you wait for; it’s something you *do*. The more you act confident, the more your brain starts to believe it. It’s as simple as that.
Step 5: Stop Seeking Validation
Let’s be brutally honest: most of you are trapped in a cycle of seeking validation. You think that once people start approving of you, once you get enough likes, compliments, or achievements, you’ll feel confident. That’s the fastest way to *lose* confidence. Real confidence doesn’t come from external validation. It comes from knowing who you are, without needing anyone else to confirm it.
Seeking validation is a trap because it puts your confidence in the hands of other people. And other people are fickle as hell. One day they love you, the next day they don’t. If your confidence is tied to that, you’re screwed. Confidence comes from within—from a deep understanding that *you* decide your worth, not anyone else.
The Takeaway: Confidence is a Muscle—Stretch It
Here’s the bottom line: confidence isn’t about feeling invincible. It’s about stretching yourself beyond your current limits and trusting that, no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. It’s about stepping into discomfort, ditching perfectionism, challenging your beliefs, and acting confident even when you don’t feel it.
Stretch your mind, stretch your perspective, and stop waiting for permission to feel good about yourself. Confidence is something you build, not something you’re granted.
So, if you’re ready to stop playing small and finally stretch your confidence, head over to the [YouTube video here] for more insights on how to break free from the lies holding you back.
Lewis
