Arrogant, stuck up, and a complete show off!!!
That’s what I thought of Georgina Graham, when I first met her.
{This post is only for people who have a deep understanding of mindset}
Sorry if this fucks your head up; but if you’re ready for it, read on:
I found myself attracted to her, but at the same time, finding myself really triggered with the things she was doing/saying.
Then, my mind caught it…
“Lewis, you’re triggered; ask yourself why…”
“Why does this annoy you?”.
Because you see, when you’re triggered, it’s because it’s hurting something inside you.
It’s a great indication there is something locked away you could do with taking a closer look at.
So, I looked at the things I was finding annoying in Georgina, and then it hit me.
I wasn’t annoyed, I was sad.
You see, anger, and frustration are so much easier for the brain to accept than sadness.
You have to actually own your sadness, and admit it’s your fault.
Yet, anger is much easier, as you can just push the blame on to someone else.
So it was much easier to get annoyed at Georgina, than it was to admit to myself that her behaviour saddened me.
Why was her behaviour saddening me?
For two reasons:
1: I knew exactly why she behaves like that; and it’s sad (I’ll explain in a minute).
2: I know that her behaviour was a direct reflection of mine, and in coaching lingo, I was simply ‘projecting’ my shit on to her.
Basically?
She reminded me of myself.
But a part of myself I didn’t want to me reminded about…
You see, deep down, I feel like I have to prove something, show-off and portray this confident chap, in order to over compensate for the feelings I have of low self-worth.
From years of being belittled, told I was bad, stupid, and a failure – I’m constantly battling to just feel enough.
I feel I have to show people, and tell people I am enough, just so maybe, just maybe, somehow it will reach back to me.
These feelings are so deep in my subconscious, I barely notice they are there…
Our brains our clever, and they want to keep us unaware, ignorant, and avoid any form of discomfort.
But sometimes the exact behaviour you’re choosing to dismiss gets put straight in front of your face in someone else…
…and you have no choice but to recognise it.
I recognised it in Georgina.
Without realising this process of self-discovery was going on, subconsciously, I found myself drawn to Georgina and started to dig into her past in an attempt to fix her.
But, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realise that in fact, the person I really wanted to help was myself.
Anyway, consciously, I had decided I would help Georgina and in doing so, I learned a lot about her…
Although, none of it was a surprise.
As I said earlier, the first reason why I was sad when I saw Georgina’s behaviour was because I knew why.
…and I knew why because we felt the same.
She didn’t feel enough either.
Yes, she has 10/10 confidence, a sassy businesses persona, and achievements and talents coming from every angle…
But why?
Because she is simply trying to fill a void, just like I am.
“LOOK AT ME!”
“I’M AMAZING.”
….
“Am I enough now?”
_______________________
Over the last month I’ve got to know Georgina well.
We’ve done a photoshoot together, spoke at a business retreat together, and spent some time getting to know each other.
Every now and again, my guard slips, and so does hers…
And that little vulnerable child inside us pops their head out and admits they just want to be loved, and feel enough.
Deep shit, right?
_______________________
So, I want to thank you Georgina.
You’ve bought things in to my awareness and shown me more work I can do on myself.
And I also want you to know that regardless of the success, social proof, money, compliments, or wins – you are enough now, and always have been, regardless.
…and?
I guess I am too.
So, for anyone that’s got his far:
If you notice yourself being triggered by someone:
– Take a good hard look at yourself and ask yourself why.
– If it’s something you recognise in yourself, accept responsibility for it and pledge to work on it.
– Realise that the person who’s displaying certain behaviours may have things going on for them.
– Talk to them, get to know them, share your story with them, let them realise they’re not alone.
– Tell them they’re enough; because we all are.
So, yeah, when I first met Georgina, I thought she was: arrogant, stuck up, and a complete show off.
When actually, she was just another human trying to work through life and feel good about herself…
And below the surface?
She wasn’t any of those negative things!
Actually…
She is a kind, loving, caring, quite soft and vulnerable human being.
And, I guess, for me too, below the surface?
I’m maybe a kind, loving, caring, quite soft and vulnerable human being too.
P.s, for anyone reading this…
Guess what?
You’re enough too.
