December 2018 – Lewis Raymond Taylor

Taking Big Moves

You need to start being realistic!

How many time have you heard that statement?

A lot? I know I have…

It happens all the time.

People have a vision…

a goal…

a fantasy…

They get excited about it; and they’re right to!

They’re dreaming of a better life.

– more success
– more happiness
– a life where they can do the things they love

But these dreams are often dismissed by society.

People telling you that maybe you should play it safe…

Manage your expectations…

Or my favourite!

” If you don’t have any expectations you won’t be disappointed!”

What a load of crap!

Okay, you won’t be disappointed…

But you also won’t be fulfilled, happy, or excited either!

So, why do people try and reduce your expectations for life?

Because THEY are scared…

And it’s easier to drag you down, than it is to admit they need to change something in THEIR life.

It’s simple, people are afraid of the unknown.

Because the unknown could lead to failure…

And if you fail?

You feel you’re not enough.

And if you’re not enough?

You feel you’re not loved.

Which is something I realise is a big need of mine!

Not because I’m unique in some way…

But because we all crave love.

But here is the thing…

Failure doesn’t = not being loved.

Failure is just learning.

Moving you closer to the things you want from life!

The truth is?

Many people give up on their dreams because they think they’re too difficult to achieve, or because they don’t want to push past this fear of the unknown or fear of failure.

Instead of persisting through failures and setbacks, they would rather settle.

But settling for a life you don’t love isn’t fulfilling.

So…

Next time you’re thinking of giving up on your dreams, remember:

1. The only thing that’s holding you back from your dreams is you.

When you don’t believe in yourself, you’re ultimately stopping yourself from achieving the things you desire.

And who’s going to suffer from that? You.

2. Always have a clear vision. Your dream may be big. But by being clear about the things you want, it will help you focus on your goals.

Remember: everyone who’s achieved anything started off by dreaming.

3. Don’t let people convince you that your dreams are too big. If your dreams are big enough to scare you, then you know that the result will be worthwhile?

In the beginning, your dream might seem so big…

Or so difficult…

That you don’t know how you could ever achieve it.

But…

You need to remember that even though the task might seem huge, it’s really made up by a series of smaller goals.

These smaller achievements will stack up.

And then you’ll build momentum…

Each step bringing you closer to your goal.

And eventually?

You’ll start to achieve your dreams.

And each of those setbacks?

All of your struggles?

Will be be part of the journey that will take you to a HUGE outcome!

So despite what people tell you…

Despite the fear you will feel…

Tell yourself:

Fuck being realistic!

Continue dreaming BIG…

Taking BIG moves…

And making BIG things happen!

Here’s To Love

I’ve got to be honest about something…

I’m a fraud.

I’ve still got a lot of work to do on myself.

I’m laying in my hotel bed.

It’s 6:30 and I’m wide awake.

I went to Will Polston’s Personal Development event of the year this weekend.

I went for networking…

But I left with a breakthrough.

Jairek Robbins spoke about:

– Feeling enough…

…and I knew deep down I didn’t feel it.

– Having enough…

…and I knew deep down I didn’t feel that too.

– Being loved enough…

… and I knew this is the one I really struggle with.

It came to the end of the event and they had a live Q and A…

I was shaking, as my body knew that I was about to push myself out of my comfort zone and seek the next level of my development.

Up until this point I’ve worked very hard on personal development…

I’ve had:

– rehabilitation
– psychotherapy
– psychology
– psychiatry
– coaching
– mentoring

And I’ve also learned from hundreds of other people who I’ve coached personally myself.

But my secret?

I don’t feel much.

In fact, I find it very difficult to feel anything.

My brain works well.

But I keep everything logical.

In my mind.

And completely dismissed something so valuable.

My heart.

I never felt like my dad loved me, and I’m sure this is where it comes from.

When he called me names or hit me, i’d always feel paralysed.

I knew I could never hurt him back because I loved him.

So I made the assumption that he didn’t love me.

I remember I would punch myself in the head in the mirror when I was very young (maybe 6-7) because I was so angry with myself for being a bad son.

My behaviour got worse and in an attempt to stop me affecting my brother or my mum and dad’s relationship, my family ‘ring-fenced’ me from the family (their words)

Growing up, I started to become violent and was diagnosed with an antisocial personality disorder…

The label given to a sociopath/psychopath.

I researched it…

I found out I was supposedly icy, remorseless and incapable of love.

It made sense.

I then took risks and had a few relationships.

The first one?

Cheated on me.

I self harmed when this happened, as I felt totally and utterly rejected and useless.

The second one?

Left me.

She wanted to enjoy single life and said she didn’t love me anymore.

I then went on a mission to fuck my life up when this happened.

I wouldn’t kill myself, but I’d try to put myself in a position where it could happen…

Because I felt I didn’t deserve anything else.

I felt different from everyone else.

Alone.
Unlovable.
Bad.

Sorry!

I still feel:

Alone.
Unlovable.
Bad.

I’ve known for a while this has been a problem.

Something you may not know about me…

I may seem quite popular.

But I don’t really have many, if not any, close friends.

I push people away.

I don’t see my family more than twice a year.

and I’m 99% of the time alone.

I’m scared.

Scared to love.
Scared to be loved.
Scared to feel.
Scared to connect.

I tell myself I’m incapable of it.
I tell myself I’m a thinker not a feeler.

But yesterday, I took a risk…

I admitted something that my body tried very hard to resist.

I picked up the microphone and in front of hundred of people I started to speak:

I admitted to them, and to everyone else that I was dismissing an area of my development.

And that I struggled to feel love and connect with others.

I asked how it could drop from my head to my heart…

I almost choked a few times and could barely get my words out.

Dr John Demartini and Jairek Robbins then proceed to answer my questions…

But I didn’t hear a word.

I realised that I had just got the answer I was looking for.

By simply asking that question…

In the same way I did when I stood up in my first AA meeting…

I had accepted responsibility.

I had took control.

I had regained my power.

I had made a decision to tackle this problem, not dismiss it.

I faced it.
I admitted it.
I declared it.
I felt the fear.
I pushed past it.
I owned it!

I told everyone what I wanted and that I needed help.

I got a round of applause.

People came up to me after and gave me a hug.

Long ones too!

They wouldn’t let me go.

It felt uncomfortable, but nice.

Even one from a bloke felt good.

I guess this was their way of showing me love.

So after all that, I’ve made a decision.

First of all:

I am enough.
I have enough.
AND I AM LOVED ENOUGH.

I will also make a conscious decision to look for the love in people and chose to accept it, not reject it.

I’ll hug people.

I’ll try and express my emotions more.

And regardless of what’s happened in my past…

I’ll also remind myself on a constant basis:

– That I don’t deserve to be rejected.

– I am loveable.

– I am a good guy.

– and I can love others.

FUCK ME THIS IS THE DEEPEST THING IVE EVER WRITTEN.

I want to love more people.

Help more people.

And stop being so logical all the time.

I have so much more inside me to give.

Just a bit frightened to let it out I guess?

I’m still processing this myself.

But thank you for reading.

And thank you Will Polston for putting the event on!

As you can tell this post was for me.

And although as ‘attention seeking’ and ‘cringe’ as it may seem…

I’m stepping out my comfort zone, and forcing myself to own this.

It will likely be one of the best decisions I ever make.

Here’s to love ???❤️

You Don’t Have The Resources To Be Successful

You don’t have the resources to be successful!

You don’t have the money to start or grow a business….

You don’t have the time to dedicate to working on yourself…

You don’t have the knowledge, experience and skills needed to be good at something you’d love to do…

That’s what you keep telling yourself anyway, isn’t it?

It’s easier to look at our goals and justify why we haven’t hit them by looking at all the things we don’t have.

When I came out of prison, I went to rehab for 6 months.

Whilst I was in there, I had to sign on benefits…

… and when I was released from rehab:

I had nothing.

– Not a penny.

– No qualifications.

– And my time was spent in full-time education during the day, work in the evenings, and drug and alcohol meetings on the weekends.

It’s fair to say that some would assume I had no resources…

However, I did!

I had the most POWERFUL resource available to anyone…

My emotional and mental state.

I was hungry, determined and opportunistic.

You see, this is a resource that we can all summons up.

One that will allow us to become…

Resourceful!

When you’re resourceful, you can acquire any additional resource you want.

With passion, or hunger, or determination…

– You can take action to start a business.

– Have the patience to get an education.

– Prioritise your life to find the time for things that are important to you.

Because the truth?

Although you feel that you ‘NEED’ all these resources in your life to succeed…

… resources are simply ‘nice to haves’.

They make life easier…

Yeah, lots of money, time, qualifications and experience would make life ‘easier’.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have the things you desire…

To acquire them, you have everything you need right now!

Your emotional and mental state.

So, next time you tell yourself you don’t have the resources to be successful.

Change the story you’re telling yourself…

Decide to become resourceful.

Look in the mirror…

And realise that that YOU are the only resource you really need to have whatever the fuck you want.

Your Kids Aren’t The Priority

YOUR KIDS AREN’T THE PRIORITY!

Parents…

How many times a day do you catch yourself putting your kids above yourself?

Or maybe it’s your partner?

Or your dog that’s your priority…

Like my little friend in the picture.

But, why isn’t it you that’s the priority?

So many people think that in order to care for someone else they need to put themselves at the bottom of the pecking order.

But the truth?

It’s not just ONE person that needs to be important.

YOUR KIDS AREN’T THE PRIORITY!

You and your kids are!

YOUR PARTNER ISN’T THE PRIORITY!

You are your partner is!

YOUR FRIEINDS ARENT THE PRIORITY!

You are your friends are!

You can be right there at the front.

Giving to yourself, and giving to others

Because here is the thing…

The more you focus on you.

The better you become.

The better you feel.

… and the MORE you can give to others.

So, by putting yourself first, you are in a better place to help others even more.

Therefore: it’s selfish to not put yourself first.

Yeah, I know that may have been a bit of a brain fuck…

Because, I’m sure you’ve heard the stories circling around in your head about how selfish it would be to take a night out for yourself, or to work through the weekend on your passion…

It’s not true!

ITS
NOT
SELFISH
TO
FOCUS
ON
YOURSELF!

Truth is…If you haven’t got time in your day for you…

You can be the best wife, husband, coach, salesman on the planet!

But if you don’t choose you for at least a portion of your day…

You can forget ever writing that ‘how I made my 6-figure icome” post.

Or smiling away on the death bed knowing you’ve done everything in your life that you wanted to do.

Stop choosing the mummy guilt, over building the life you desire, or the empire you crave.

Whether it’s:

– Taking the kids to school

– Cooking dinner…

– Looking after your partner whilst they’re hungover or sick

– Or helping your friends brainstorm new business idea’s…

Ask yourself…

When was the last time someone did this for you?

Now I am not saying you should stop doing these things…

All I’m saying is…

Choose you AS WELL as your others.

Next time somebody asks your advice on a new venture…

Why not ask for their opinion on yours first?

When you’ve got 10 blog posts to write but your partner needs dinner?

Ask them to cook.

Take a step back and make yourself a priority.

Because the people closest to you will want to see you happy too.

Watch the movie of your life play out…

And make damn sure you’re the leading character!